♥ indeed. a lifetime lesson.

forgiving someone who never apologize, is a hard things to do.

forgiving someone who literally cant see that they hurt you, hurts… so bad.

hehe. i think. i am numb already.

watching him engaged to someone else, after those 6years together.

i am…. numb.

i do feel sad for a few days. reminiscing.

but, thats it.

i realize he never love me more than i love him.

thats why its ended.

because all those years, i am the one who is trying to hold on.

the only one who want to make things works.

hehe :’)

 

♥ this is me letting you go.

To my once favourite person whom I once madly in love with, Mr K...

I have come to a realization,

Please treat and love her harder. 

Dont hurt her like you hurt me.

Showers her with your love and never ignore or give her silent treatment like you gave me.

I will always pray for our happiness, even if we didnt end up together.

Tak apa, Allah dah susun cantik cerita kita. Thank you for our beautiful 6years.

Maybe you are the lessons of my life.

Even how much we love each other, tapi kalau Allah dah kata kita tak ada jodoh bersama, maka Allah akan pisahkan kita jugak.

Maybe both of us thought we have give our best, even thought the fact is both of us didnt work hard enough to keep us going (Well, thats the reason that makes us apart. Thats what makes the two of us. You know that)

But yea, for god sake, I deserve to be happy and to be treated with love. Not by on-off and uncertainty you gave me. The way you treat me shows it all. 

I deserve much more from someone who said he truly loves me. I am not happy, and youre not happy.

Separation and letting you go is the only way to make me happy.

Its okay, in Allah I put my trust and faith.

Kalau Allah kata kita ada jodoh bersama, Allah akan pertemukan kite semula pada waktu yang tepat.

Tapi kalau Allah dah tulis kite tak ada jodoh bersama, Allah akan pertemukan kite dengan seseorang yang lebih baik untuk diri masing2.

Indeed, Allah is the best planner. 

The Greatest Writers of all.

Jaga diri ya. Take care.

And this is me letting you go :)

There is no more me and you. No more izzka. Bye

5-8-2014 till 20-3-2020

izzka - izzkafazenan | 03:13 12.8.2020 

♥ Can You Feel The Sweetness on Allah's Decision ?

everything that happened has a good thing behind it  .

theres hikmah on something that happened .

dont u ever realize , my dear ?

on 4th March 2014 , 

my beloved ustazah Hashimah has gone to meet The Great Creator
she left me and everything in this world 

 I'm just shocked ! totally crying non stop :'(

at the same time , 

i'm sick , i just pray to see her face for the last time

can u imagine  how sad i would be ?

As I stayed on the school's hostel , i cant give her the last visit
I pray to have an excuse to see her for the last time
and it works :') i get the permision to give her the last visit as I have an excuse to go the the hospital nearby to make a medical check up . (also maybe because i cried a lot that day on the teacher's room)

Below are tect added on 29 march 2020.

 [[ Yup. I cried Instantly and I cant control myself when my physics teacher broke the news to me. Like I was SOO surprised. And sad. And I cant believe my ustazah kesayangan has gone to meet the Creator. 

thank you Allah because You still give me a chance to see her for the last time
its the hikmah of getting sick
and Im very very very gratefull :')

Ustazah mcam tersenyum. She looks soooo calm. I miss her. I miss her soo muchh.

I even text her to her number few days after she was gone... (But after few times, her daughter replied to me "Sedekahkan AlFatihah setiap kali tringat kat ustazah") huhu I got sooo embarrassed. So I stop texting. Yea I act like crazy. Maybe I am still in denial that time...

Yesterday (28 March 2020), I saw a tweet with a gif of someone crying non stop with a Bombloocat caption. How breaking she is inside. And I quoted that tweet saying the first time I cried that hard was when my fav ustazah passed away.

Coincidentally today, 29 March 2020... I am thinking of searching back my old blog. I want to start write again. Like my self diaries. So I installed blogger apps and logged in. And guess what.. I saw this drafts. The only drafts in my blog. I opened it.. And its about my ustazah again :')

I still remember I always (mostly) be the last one to go home on our night bahasa arab tuition class. While I am waiting for my mom to pick me up, we would have a chit chat. And sometimes I help to open the bottles cap because she wants to 'ruqyah' the water. Sometimes she made a Roselle water just for me while I am waiting for my mom.. Its already 6 years ago, but my heart still feel the loss. The tears still wet my collar's pijamas.

My heart breaks again. Al Fatihah.]]